My vocal chords have been fighting, my mouth likes to spite me.

"The devil on my shoulder stares, laughing that the one thing I can't get, is what I need."


7 ;  Troubles with people.


I'm sure we've all had those times when you just can't stand basically everybody around you? Well, yeah, I'm about 100% sure you have. It's natural.  But what happens when you can't stand most of your friends?  Yes, they're you're friends and you love them.  But at the same time, you only want to deal with their personal problems for so long.


Prom, prom, prom.  It's about a month or so away, and of course everyone is freaking out.  I may or may not have mentioned this before, but it's NOT a big deal if you don't go to prom.  Not a big deal at all.  It's senior prom, and would be fun to go to, but at the same time, its not the end of the world. Or it shouldn't be, but my entire grade is making it out to be.  Especially some of my friends.  They believe that they must be asked by an entire line of boys, who oddly enough-- already have dates.  You can tell her a million times not to worry about it, but she doesn't want to feel "Dumb" for not having a date, or she feels like "Nobody likes her". Newsflash. Boys are falling head over heels for you, they just aren't the ones you want.  See, she had about 4 or 5 guys ask her last month, but none were the one she wanted.  Then she finds out that he already had a date, and then she realized what she missed out on. But then I have to constantly remind her, that a lot of people didn't get asked. Such as myself. Or many of our other friends.  It happens. Not all girls are as popular as you. Bam. 


Girl fights.  Yes, picture Mean Girls in your heads, the nasty girl fights.  I'm sure most high schools have them.  And if not, they at least have very petty, bitter, nasty girls.  That's life. That's how girls are, I know.  But what happens when one girl begins to mess with another, who is supposedly her friend? Well, in that case, shit goes down.  Drama. Drama. Drama.  Friends should stick up for their friends, not be in their faces to constantly tell them that they believe their doing the wrong thing.  Say it once, fine. Twice, eh. Three times, pushing it. Four times, THATS ENOUGH.  It's almost as if they're trying to start drama. Listen, we all know that our friend isn't doing the right thing, but we don't continue to tell her over and over to make her feel like crap. That's not what friends do. Period. And hen you decide to kick them when they're down. Like, no. That's even worse.  Asserting your opinion on someone when they're terribly sad is not the right way to go about things.  It will cause drama. And it did. It made things extremely awkward and led to a big falling out. Perfect. Now, as outside friends, more of us are forced to try to make things not awkward. It's hard.


Boys.  Can't live with em. Dyin trying to live without em.  Well first of all, best guy friends. Again. Haha. He is a normal topic of conversation around here. Because he is an interesting character.  I guess with him, I just wanted to make a quick note that things are not back to normal. Nor are they close.  We text about 2 times a day, 3 days a week. Facebook? nah. Twitter? heck no.  School? Once a day. For about 3 minutes. No big deal.  Well, kind of. It's sad.  But what happens when you have second thoughts, 5 months after a break up. Well, technically, you've had these thoughts since, but you haven't wanted to look back. But now the lack of any communication with this person is killing you.  Talking to them would be the best thing in the world-- if it went well. Which there is a very little chance that if you did talk, that would happen. But it royally sucks. Oh well, I'll talk more about him later. Trust me.


Okay, that's it.
Laterrr.


"How can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?"

Says everybody's changing and I don't know why.

"I try to stay awake to remember my name, but everybody's changing and I don't feel the same."

6 ; Brothers.

So... siblings.  Love them and hate them.  Kind of.  My older brother is a couple years older than me and the kind of brother that a lot of girls would love to have.  Attractive, protective, intelligent, etc.  But when your brother becomes distant and different.  He doesn't act like himself.  But of course when you try to ask him about it, he becomes defensive.

You begin to be really worried about him and how much he is changing.  As a "man" in his early twenties, you believe that there could be a lot of factors playing into it.  Maybe he's striving to be everything your dad is hoping for.  Maybe he's struggling with his super hot girlfriend.  Maybe his grades are slipping.  Maybe there's something going on that doesn't come to the naked eye.  

And then you overhear him in his room one day, talking to his friend on the phone and discussing the party the next weekend.  ( We both know that he parties, nbd. )  As far as you know he's always been the DD, but maybe its actually not.  You hear him talk about how high his friends were the previous day, and how he was tempted to, but never did.  Supposedly.  So now on top of the previous struggles he could be facing, he is also now facing peer pressure from his friends to do the things that "everybody does"  and yes, at my high school everybody does that stuff, but the two of us have always tried to stay away from the drama filled drug world.  But I've seen my friends go through this too and they changed the same way he is changing.  My best friend did the same thing.. just like him.  

I'm not about to tell my parents, otherwise they would freak out. But at the same time, do I let him know that I was eavesdropping and am worried about him? So I knock on his door and ask   if we could talk. I say, "Listen Leo, are you okay? You haven't been acting like yourself." and he looked me straight in the eye and said "No, B, I'm not okay. Now go away. Now." and slammed the door in my face.  

Well, now I know he's not okay.  Long story short, he came in later and apologized and told me not to worry about him because he was going to be okay he was just having some troubles.  Aren't we all? So for now, we'll see where he goes. Hm.. this post was kind of personal.  Hope he doesn't read it! Haha.

Okay, that's it. 

Laterrr.

"You're gone from here and soon you will disappear, fading into beautiful light."