I guess it just took too long for me to see we weren't meant to be

"I'm done with you messing with my mind, the last time's the last time baby."

9. Weird Encounters

Wow, it's been a VERY long time since I've wrote. Not like anybody even reads this. Oh well, I need a venting session and this is the easiest to do.  So I'm not sure where I last wrote about my annoying af ex boyfriend. But here's a small recap:

     1.   Officially "met" in May of 2010.
     2.   Talked through the Summer of 2010.
     3.   Asked me out in September of 2010.
     4.   Dated all the way through October of 2011.
     5.   Almost got back together December of 2011 (He screwed it up.)
     6.   Didn't talk for months.
     7.   Texted me April of 2012 asking if we could be friends.
     8.   Friends for a couple weeks, realized he still is really mad at me.
     9.   A couple weeks later, "friends" again.
    10.  June 2012:  Attended each other's open houses, perfectly fine. Normal.   
           Almost.
    11.  Later in June 2012:  Told me "Happy Anniversary" on the day that would 
           have been.
    12.  Go to school August 2012, still texting occasionally as friends.
    13.  September 2012:  Sends tweet about how much he hates the number of 
           the day.  Yes. The day that would have been two years of dating.

The twitter account went like this:
      @CrazyExBoyfriend:  Hate the number _ _ . #badmemories.

I saw this about 10 minutes after he posted it, and was furious.

      @Me:  Wow, someone's a little bitter. #growup #goodmemories

No comment in return. 

Mind you all that we've been broken up for nearly a year, and he is seriously, STILL upset about it.  We are 19 years old for God's sake. Grow a pair and move on.  But no, why would he do that?

Same night, getting ready for a party:
      @CrazyExBoyfriend:  Glad the day is almost over . The number _ _ brings 
                                         bak bad memories that I with I could take back.
      @Me:  #growup
      @CrazyExBoyfriend:  It hurts really bad. #stillupset

And yes, the wrong spelling is intentional. He is a terrible speller.  But this is absolutely ridiculous.  If you ever read this; GROW THE F UP YOU BABY.  Seriously.  Almost a year, 19 years old, in college, and you're caught up on me.  If you still loved me, as you claim to.. you wouldn't say that you wish you could take back all those memories.  Not cool.  

I know it's just him being a bitter asshole, but I mean when he says he wished he could take it all back, it still was a little stab to the heart. I mean nobody wants to hear that.  He continued to unfollow me on Twitter and unfriend me on Facebook. What are we, 9?

However, that night, as it was really bothering me, I had a terrible dream as follows:

          Sitting on my bed, doing homework as usual.  Roommate at her desk.
          Shadow enters the room, roommate looks.
          CrazyExBoyfriend (CEB) standing in the doorway.
          Roommate:  Oh hell no.
          CEB:  Bella, we need to talk.
          I start tearing up.
          CEB:  Are you really that upset?
          I shake my head and break eye contact.
          CEB:  Balla, please.
          My lip quivers, my eyes start to swell.
          Roommate:  Get out of here.
          CEB:  Is she really that upset?
          Roommate:  Yes.  You need to leave.
          CEB:  Bella, you know I didn't mean it.
          Tears fall from my eyes, I shake my head.
          CEB:  Bella, please.
          I look to my roommate, she shrugs her shoulders.
          Roommate:  CEB, you really went to far this time.
          I nod, still trying to hold back my tears.
          CEB:  You really hurt me, Bella.
          Roommate shakes her head.
          Roommate:  You told her you wished you could take back those two years.
          I nod, wiping my eyes.
          CEB:  I didn't mean it.
          Me:  CEB, it's been 11 months.
          CEB:  Bella, let's talk.

End story.

I don't know if you felt it, but as I dreamt it, as I thought about it the next couple days and as I write it now it still hits me so hard.  I can't believe it. How real it was.

It just sucks, because I was trying so hard to be his friend. And I was so close to wanting to tell him how much i missed him and how I still loved him and he goes and does this.  

It sucks.

My motto as of now:  Never regret something that once made you smile, because at one point, it was exactly what you wanted.

My grandpa's motto:  Remember, we can never lose what we have once enjoyed, for those we love deeply are forever a part of us.

He's so smart.

I guess that's it.
Laterrr.

"I can only change who I am so much, and all I can give is all my love."