"I'm done with you messing with my mind, the last time's the last time baby."
9. Weird Encounters
Wow, it's been a VERY long time since I've wrote. Not like anybody even reads this. Oh well, I need a venting session and this is the easiest to do. So I'm not sure where I last wrote about my annoying af ex boyfriend. But here's a small recap:
1. Officially "met" in May of 2010.
2. Talked through the Summer of 2010.
3. Asked me out in September of 2010.
4. Dated all the way through October of 2011.
5. Almost got back together December of 2011 (He screwed it up.)
6. Didn't talk for months.
7. Texted me April of 2012 asking if we could be friends.
8. Friends for a couple weeks, realized he still is really mad at me.
9. A couple weeks later, "friends" again.
10. June 2012: Attended each other's open houses, perfectly fine. Normal.
Almost.
11. Later in June 2012: Told me "Happy Anniversary" on the day that would
have been.
12. Go to school August 2012, still texting occasionally as friends.
13. September 2012: Sends tweet about how much he hates the number of
the day. Yes. The day that would have been two years of dating.
The twitter account went like this:
@CrazyExBoyfriend: Hate the number _ _ . #badmemories.
I saw this about 10 minutes after he posted it, and was furious.
@Me: Wow, someone's a little bitter. #growup #goodmemories
No comment in return.
Mind you all that we've been broken up for nearly a year, and he is seriously, STILL upset about it. We are 19 years old for God's sake. Grow a pair and move on. But no, why would he do that?
Same night, getting ready for a party:
@CrazyExBoyfriend: Glad the day is almost over . The number _ _ brings
bak bad memories that I with I could take back.
@Me: #growup
@CrazyExBoyfriend: It hurts really bad. #stillupset
And yes, the wrong spelling is intentional. He is a terrible speller. But this is absolutely ridiculous. If you ever read this; GROW THE F UP YOU BABY. Seriously. Almost a year, 19 years old, in college, and you're caught up on me. If you still loved me, as you claim to.. you wouldn't say that you wish you could take back all those memories. Not cool.
I know it's just him being a bitter asshole, but I mean when he says he wished he could take it all back, it still was a little stab to the heart. I mean nobody wants to hear that. He continued to unfollow me on Twitter and unfriend me on Facebook. What are we, 9?
However, that night, as it was really bothering me, I had a terrible dream as follows:
Sitting on my bed, doing homework as usual. Roommate at her desk.
Shadow enters the room, roommate looks.
CrazyExBoyfriend (CEB) standing in the doorway.
Roommate: Oh hell no.
CEB: Bella, we need to talk.
I start tearing up.
CEB: Are you really that upset?
I shake my head and break eye contact.
CEB: Balla, please.
My lip quivers, my eyes start to swell.
Roommate: Get out of here.
CEB: Is she really that upset?
Roommate: Yes. You need to leave.
CEB: Bella, you know I didn't mean it.
Tears fall from my eyes, I shake my head.
CEB: Bella, please.
I look to my roommate, she shrugs her shoulders.
Roommate: CEB, you really went to far this time.
I nod, still trying to hold back my tears.
CEB: You really hurt me, Bella.
Roommate shakes her head.
Roommate: You told her you wished you could take back those two years.
I nod, wiping my eyes.
CEB: I didn't mean it.
Me: CEB, it's been 11 months.
CEB: Bella, let's talk.
End story.
I don't know if you felt it, but as I dreamt it, as I thought about it the next couple days and as I write it now it still hits me so hard. I can't believe it. How real it was.
It just sucks, because I was trying so hard to be his friend. And I was so close to wanting to tell him how much i missed him and how I still loved him and he goes and does this.
It sucks.
My motto as of now: Never regret something that once made you smile, because at one point, it was exactly what you wanted.
My grandpa's motto: Remember, we can never lose what we have once enjoyed, for those we love deeply are forever a part of us.
He's so smart.
I guess that's it.
Laterrr.
"I can only change who I am so much, and all I can give is all my love."
Bella ; A Girl On A Mission
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
This feeling has swallowed me whole, and I know that I've lost control
"I'm just lost, incomplete, yeah you feel like home, home to me."
8. Realizations
Okay, this post will be a bit more uplifting than the previous one. For once I'd rather talk about how things are working out rather than how they aren't. Funny, right? Yes, right. Well a few of my previous problems have... not necessarily been totally fixed, but have been, let's just say, altered.
There are those times when people just come to terms with everything that's happened and how they've acted and I feel as though I've come in contact with multiple in the last couple of days. It's fantastic. Girl wise, self wise, and a... certain boy wise. Not the stupid " boy friend " i've been talking about. He's still an ass. Anyways.
I get a text, the first coming to terms moment *pause for angel chorus* apologizing for the drama that's been caused in our group of friends, and apologizing for making little things such a big deal. Like, finally. you realized. Now I don't feel like a bitch for thinking it, because you--admittedly-- know it too. So yeah. The girl fight, as well, has dwindled out which is good and creates a lot less awkward ness at group meetings and such. So good.
Now, the second appointment, per say. As you may or may not know, I can't recall if I've ever talked about him, but my ex boyfriend and I weren't on good terms. We went through a very messy break up last August. Not good. Anyways, ever since the break up, I've been hoping he'd realize that maybe he made the wrong decision. Maybe he'd come back. But he didn't. And there are always times when I think that I miss the way things were, but then I remember that everything happens for a reason. Well then I receive a text a couple nights ago, from him. Mind you, I haven't spoken with him since like November. So it's been awhile. He told me that he was sorry for everything that happened and he would really really ( yes bold is needed ) would like to be friends. As you can probably tell by how I'm writing I was shocked. I thought we were a lost cause. So maybe, just maybe. This could be a new chance for us. He dated another girl for like the month of December and she posted all over Facebook and Twitter how in love they were. And I knew in my heart that it wasn't true. There was no way he could love her. Turns out, he told me, she was a rebound and he didn't know what he wanted. He was conflicted. Moral of the story, he apologized for everything that happened. And we're currently working on a friendship. And who knows, maybe the over used quote "Two exes trying to be friends were either never in love, or still are" may be true... Anyways, excited none the less. I'll keep you updated. :)
Finally, have you ever had the feeling that you were somewhere where you belonged? Where you're finally in a place where you feel like you could be forever? Well, I recently visited the place such as that. It was a magical place and while overwhelming and such a new experience but thrilling at the same time. Unbelievable, honestly. These three interactions have brought such interesting views to my mind the past couple weeks I've just been so happy. And might I say, it's about damn time.
Okay, that's it.
Laterrr.
"All those smiles will never fade, never ran out of ways to blow my mind."
8. Realizations
Okay, this post will be a bit more uplifting than the previous one. For once I'd rather talk about how things are working out rather than how they aren't. Funny, right? Yes, right. Well a few of my previous problems have... not necessarily been totally fixed, but have been, let's just say, altered.
There are those times when people just come to terms with everything that's happened and how they've acted and I feel as though I've come in contact with multiple in the last couple of days. It's fantastic. Girl wise, self wise, and a... certain boy wise. Not the stupid " boy friend " i've been talking about. He's still an ass. Anyways.
I get a text, the first coming to terms moment *pause for angel chorus* apologizing for the drama that's been caused in our group of friends, and apologizing for making little things such a big deal. Like, finally. you realized. Now I don't feel like a bitch for thinking it, because you--admittedly-- know it too. So yeah. The girl fight, as well, has dwindled out which is good and creates a lot less awkward ness at group meetings and such. So good.
Now, the second appointment, per say. As you may or may not know, I can't recall if I've ever talked about him, but my ex boyfriend and I weren't on good terms. We went through a very messy break up last August. Not good. Anyways, ever since the break up, I've been hoping he'd realize that maybe he made the wrong decision. Maybe he'd come back. But he didn't. And there are always times when I think that I miss the way things were, but then I remember that everything happens for a reason. Well then I receive a text a couple nights ago, from him. Mind you, I haven't spoken with him since like November. So it's been awhile. He told me that he was sorry for everything that happened and he would really really ( yes bold is needed ) would like to be friends. As you can probably tell by how I'm writing I was shocked. I thought we were a lost cause. So maybe, just maybe. This could be a new chance for us. He dated another girl for like the month of December and she posted all over Facebook and Twitter how in love they were. And I knew in my heart that it wasn't true. There was no way he could love her. Turns out, he told me, she was a rebound and he didn't know what he wanted. He was conflicted. Moral of the story, he apologized for everything that happened. And we're currently working on a friendship. And who knows, maybe the over used quote "Two exes trying to be friends were either never in love, or still are" may be true... Anyways, excited none the less. I'll keep you updated. :)
Finally, have you ever had the feeling that you were somewhere where you belonged? Where you're finally in a place where you feel like you could be forever? Well, I recently visited the place such as that. It was a magical place and while overwhelming and such a new experience but thrilling at the same time. Unbelievable, honestly. These three interactions have brought such interesting views to my mind the past couple weeks I've just been so happy. And might I say, it's about damn time.
Okay, that's it.
Laterrr.
"All those smiles will never fade, never ran out of ways to blow my mind."
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
My vocal chords have been fighting, my mouth likes to spite me.
"The devil on my shoulder stares, laughing that the one thing I can't get, is what I need."
7 ; Troubles with people.
I'm sure we've all had those times when you just can't stand basically everybody around you? Well, yeah, I'm about 100% sure you have. It's natural. But what happens when you can't stand most of your friends? Yes, they're you're friends and you love them. But at the same time, you only want to deal with their personal problems for so long.
Prom, prom, prom. It's about a month or so away, and of course everyone is freaking out. I may or may not have mentioned this before, but it's NOT a big deal if you don't go to prom. Not a big deal at all. It's senior prom, and would be fun to go to, but at the same time, its not the end of the world. Or it shouldn't be, but my entire grade is making it out to be. Especially some of my friends. They believe that they must be asked by an entire line of boys, who oddly enough-- already have dates. You can tell her a million times not to worry about it, but she doesn't want to feel "Dumb" for not having a date, or she feels like "Nobody likes her". Newsflash. Boys are falling head over heels for you, they just aren't the ones you want. See, she had about 4 or 5 guys ask her last month, but none were the one she wanted. Then she finds out that he already had a date, and then she realized what she missed out on. But then I have to constantly remind her, that a lot of people didn't get asked. Such as myself. Or many of our other friends. It happens. Not all girls are as popular as you. Bam.
Girl fights. Yes, picture Mean Girls in your heads, the nasty girl fights. I'm sure most high schools have them. And if not, they at least have very petty, bitter, nasty girls. That's life. That's how girls are, I know. But what happens when one girl begins to mess with another, who is supposedly her friend? Well, in that case, shit goes down. Drama. Drama. Drama. Friends should stick up for their friends, not be in their faces to constantly tell them that they believe their doing the wrong thing. Say it once, fine. Twice, eh. Three times, pushing it. Four times, THATS ENOUGH. It's almost as if they're trying to start drama. Listen, we all know that our friend isn't doing the right thing, but we don't continue to tell her over and over to make her feel like crap. That's not what friends do. Period. And hen you decide to kick them when they're down. Like, no. That's even worse. Asserting your opinion on someone when they're terribly sad is not the right way to go about things. It will cause drama. And it did. It made things extremely awkward and led to a big falling out. Perfect. Now, as outside friends, more of us are forced to try to make things not awkward. It's hard.
Boys. Can't live with em. Dyin trying to live without em. Well first of all, best guy friends. Again. Haha. He is a normal topic of conversation around here. Because he is an interesting character. I guess with him, I just wanted to make a quick note that things are not back to normal. Nor are they close. We text about 2 times a day, 3 days a week. Facebook? nah. Twitter? heck no. School? Once a day. For about 3 minutes. No big deal. Well, kind of. It's sad. But what happens when you have second thoughts, 5 months after a break up. Well, technically, you've had these thoughts since, but you haven't wanted to look back. But now the lack of any communication with this person is killing you. Talking to them would be the best thing in the world-- if it went well. Which there is a very little chance that if you did talk, that would happen. But it royally sucks. Oh well, I'll talk more about him later. Trust me.
Okay, that's it.
Laterrr.
"How can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?"
7 ; Troubles with people.
I'm sure we've all had those times when you just can't stand basically everybody around you? Well, yeah, I'm about 100% sure you have. It's natural. But what happens when you can't stand most of your friends? Yes, they're you're friends and you love them. But at the same time, you only want to deal with their personal problems for so long.
Prom, prom, prom. It's about a month or so away, and of course everyone is freaking out. I may or may not have mentioned this before, but it's NOT a big deal if you don't go to prom. Not a big deal at all. It's senior prom, and would be fun to go to, but at the same time, its not the end of the world. Or it shouldn't be, but my entire grade is making it out to be. Especially some of my friends. They believe that they must be asked by an entire line of boys, who oddly enough-- already have dates. You can tell her a million times not to worry about it, but she doesn't want to feel "Dumb" for not having a date, or she feels like "Nobody likes her". Newsflash. Boys are falling head over heels for you, they just aren't the ones you want. See, she had about 4 or 5 guys ask her last month, but none were the one she wanted. Then she finds out that he already had a date, and then she realized what she missed out on. But then I have to constantly remind her, that a lot of people didn't get asked. Such as myself. Or many of our other friends. It happens. Not all girls are as popular as you. Bam.
Girl fights. Yes, picture Mean Girls in your heads, the nasty girl fights. I'm sure most high schools have them. And if not, they at least have very petty, bitter, nasty girls. That's life. That's how girls are, I know. But what happens when one girl begins to mess with another, who is supposedly her friend? Well, in that case, shit goes down. Drama. Drama. Drama. Friends should stick up for their friends, not be in their faces to constantly tell them that they believe their doing the wrong thing. Say it once, fine. Twice, eh. Three times, pushing it. Four times, THATS ENOUGH. It's almost as if they're trying to start drama. Listen, we all know that our friend isn't doing the right thing, but we don't continue to tell her over and over to make her feel like crap. That's not what friends do. Period. And hen you decide to kick them when they're down. Like, no. That's even worse. Asserting your opinion on someone when they're terribly sad is not the right way to go about things. It will cause drama. And it did. It made things extremely awkward and led to a big falling out. Perfect. Now, as outside friends, more of us are forced to try to make things not awkward. It's hard.
Boys. Can't live with em. Dyin trying to live without em. Well first of all, best guy friends. Again. Haha. He is a normal topic of conversation around here. Because he is an interesting character. I guess with him, I just wanted to make a quick note that things are not back to normal. Nor are they close. We text about 2 times a day, 3 days a week. Facebook? nah. Twitter? heck no. School? Once a day. For about 3 minutes. No big deal. Well, kind of. It's sad. But what happens when you have second thoughts, 5 months after a break up. Well, technically, you've had these thoughts since, but you haven't wanted to look back. But now the lack of any communication with this person is killing you. Talking to them would be the best thing in the world-- if it went well. Which there is a very little chance that if you did talk, that would happen. But it royally sucks. Oh well, I'll talk more about him later. Trust me.
Okay, that's it.
Laterrr.
"How can the only thing that's killing me make me feel so alive?"
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Says everybody's changing and I don't know why.
"I try to stay awake to remember my name, but everybody's changing and I don't feel the same."
6 ; Brothers.
So... siblings. Love them and hate them. Kind of. My older brother is a couple years older than me and the kind of brother that a lot of girls would love to have. Attractive, protective, intelligent, etc. But when your brother becomes distant and different. He doesn't act like himself. But of course when you try to ask him about it, he becomes defensive.
You begin to be really worried about him and how much he is changing. As a "man" in his early twenties, you believe that there could be a lot of factors playing into it. Maybe he's striving to be everything your dad is hoping for. Maybe he's struggling with his super hot girlfriend. Maybe his grades are slipping. Maybe there's something going on that doesn't come to the naked eye.
And then you overhear him in his room one day, talking to his friend on the phone and discussing the party the next weekend. ( We both know that he parties, nbd. ) As far as you know he's always been the DD, but maybe its actually not. You hear him talk about how high his friends were the previous day, and how he was tempted to, but never did. Supposedly. So now on top of the previous struggles he could be facing, he is also now facing peer pressure from his friends to do the things that "everybody does" and yes, at my high school everybody does that stuff, but the two of us have always tried to stay away from the drama filled drug world. But I've seen my friends go through this too and they changed the same way he is changing. My best friend did the same thing.. just like him.
I'm not about to tell my parents, otherwise they would freak out. But at the same time, do I let him know that I was eavesdropping and am worried about him? So I knock on his door and ask if we could talk. I say, "Listen Leo, are you okay? You haven't been acting like yourself." and he looked me straight in the eye and said "No, B, I'm not okay. Now go away. Now." and slammed the door in my face.
Well, now I know he's not okay. Long story short, he came in later and apologized and told me not to worry about him because he was going to be okay he was just having some troubles. Aren't we all? So for now, we'll see where he goes. Hm.. this post was kind of personal. Hope he doesn't read it! Haha.
Okay, that's it.
Laterrr.
"You're gone from here and soon you will disappear, fading into beautiful light."
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Take what I took and give it back to you.
"All this time we were waiting for each other, all this time I was waiting for you."
5 ; Boy friends, cont.
So if you've been reading my posts, you've seen my previous post ( #2 ), about " boy friends ", and if you haven't, I don't mean boyfriends , I mean boy friends ( two words ) .
Have you ever had the feeling that when you're talking to someone, they don't really want to talk to you? Well, I'm sure you have.. most people have. But especially when it's someone you look forward to talking to. I've been feeling this way towards the same "boy friend" as before. Most of the time when he's talking to the girlfriend. I understand that he wants to talk to her and whatever, but when you spend the entire day with that person, I think a couple minutes talking to your best friend wouldn't hurt you too badly.
Or do you feel that you're always trying harder than another person to create conversation? Like you're always the one to text them first, or message them or tweet them, however you communicate. But whenever they want to complain about this, or about that or need advice on this, they can talk to you. No problem. The thing is though, you shouldn't feel "annoying" when you're talking about your problems. You shouldn't have to feel like they don't really care about what you have to say.... but you do. You do feel that way.
The worst part is: they don't even realize it's happening. You're too "nice" to say anything about it because you don't want to mess things up even more. You simply tell yourself, "Oh, they're just going through a hard time." or "He's just tired today." Or God knows how many more things you convince yourself. You shouldn't have to convince yourself, thats the point. If they were as good of a friend to you as you are to them, you should feel comfortable talking to them, or complaining to them as they do to you.
Short. Sorry. See ya.
Okay, that's it.
Laterrr.
"You say I'm lucky to love something that loves me, but I'm as torn as I could be."
5 ; Boy friends, cont.
So if you've been reading my posts, you've seen my previous post ( #2 ), about " boy friends ", and if you haven't, I don't mean boyfriends , I mean boy friends ( two words ) .
Have you ever had the feeling that when you're talking to someone, they don't really want to talk to you? Well, I'm sure you have.. most people have. But especially when it's someone you look forward to talking to. I've been feeling this way towards the same "boy friend" as before. Most of the time when he's talking to the girlfriend. I understand that he wants to talk to her and whatever, but when you spend the entire day with that person, I think a couple minutes talking to your best friend wouldn't hurt you too badly.
Or do you feel that you're always trying harder than another person to create conversation? Like you're always the one to text them first, or message them or tweet them, however you communicate. But whenever they want to complain about this, or about that or need advice on this, they can talk to you. No problem. The thing is though, you shouldn't feel "annoying" when you're talking about your problems. You shouldn't have to feel like they don't really care about what you have to say.... but you do. You do feel that way.
The worst part is: they don't even realize it's happening. You're too "nice" to say anything about it because you don't want to mess things up even more. You simply tell yourself, "Oh, they're just going through a hard time." or "He's just tired today." Or God knows how many more things you convince yourself. You shouldn't have to convince yourself, thats the point. If they were as good of a friend to you as you are to them, you should feel comfortable talking to them, or complaining to them as they do to you.
Short. Sorry. See ya.
Okay, that's it.
Laterrr.
"You say I'm lucky to love something that loves me, but I'm as torn as I could be."
Saturday, February 11, 2012
My will is weak and I'm falling again.
"You'll be the last one picking up the pieces, you'll be the last one standing up strong."
4 ; Stupid people & New friends.
Well starting out with stupid people... Well, I don't even know where to start. People just seem to amaze me. Like, the stuff that goes through people's minds. The stupid crap they say and what they do as if they don't know you're going to find out. You sit there and take in this crap from a person as they're sending flirty texts and calling you "qt" and different pet names, etc and saying this flirty stuff. You don't necessarily know how you feel about them, but you're flattered nonetheless. ( By the way, this has been going on for a couple of months, even while the boy had a girlfriend ).
So you're good friends with this person, and they're texting you, so then you get asked "What are you doing on Tuesday?" ( Tuesday is Valentine's Day ). So I reply "I'm not sure yet, why? What's up?" and he says after a little conversation, "Well I was wondering if you wanted to go out that night, maybe for something to eat?" So I'm again, flattered and taken aback, but happy nonetheless. So you tell him "Maybe, I'll see." And the next day, where new friends comes into the play; but I'll discuss that later. So you're talking to your new friend who you both commented on the same guy's picture. As you're talking, she's telling you about how much he texts her and the stuff he says to her ( which is similar to what he says to you ). You're stunned, and then they tell you that he wants to hang out with her but she's not too fond of him, and then she reports the most surprising news of all: "He asked me to hang out on Valentine's Day, but I told him no."
Like are you serious? It's not like I was like hoping he was going to ask me out, but at the same point I don't want to be the "second choice", you know? LIke nobody wants to be the second option and then you feel like crap when that happens. All the appeal and the "cuteness" from the way he asked went down the drain. It's ridiculous. So you're day is now down the drain as the one person who can boost your self esteem, in a way, let you down. Ugh. And then he texts you, "Hey, how's it going?" You're a bit upset and hurt so you answer with a "Hi..." and he can tell something is wrong, so he asks and asks again, but you try to convince him that "I'm fine. Really." But I'm not... Do I call him out on it? "Hey butthead, I'm your second choice? Cool. Maybe next year." That'd just be weird. So your'e confused and don't know what to do. Which sucks. Stupid people.
And now, new friends. As in the person I previously spoke of ( aka: the bearer of bad news ). Have you ever had that feeling where you have the weirdest feelings and thoughts towards a person, but then they become your friends? Well I've had this happen recently. I became friends with someone I never would have expected and it turns out we have a lot in common; we've dealt with similar situations and so we can understand each other a little better. It's nice, because even though your friends try to be supportive a lot of times they can't completely understand. So it's nice. And we've become very close in the past month or two and we enjoy gossiping and such.
However, because she's dealing with a situation that you previously dealt with, how are the feelings shared? Is she jealous because you had what she wanted? Are you jealous because she now has what you lost? Who's jealous of who? Where did the little green monster go? You don't want to be jealous because you want her to be happy but at the same time, you can't help but feel anything else. And you find out she is jealous of you, because you-- at one time -- had exactly what she wants, and what she wanted. So you both cross your fingers and hope for the rest, but right now it's all up in the air.
So having your newfound friend let you in on a secret about an old friend ( aka Stupid People ) is hard to deal with, yet it's better you find out now rather than later. And I'm speaking in the second person, using "you" where of course I mean me, because I'm speaking about my feelings. Haha, okay.
Okay, that's it.
Laterrr.
"I'd get back up and try to make things right if you'd just stay here tonight."
4 ; Stupid people & New friends.
Well starting out with stupid people... Well, I don't even know where to start. People just seem to amaze me. Like, the stuff that goes through people's minds. The stupid crap they say and what they do as if they don't know you're going to find out. You sit there and take in this crap from a person as they're sending flirty texts and calling you "qt" and different pet names, etc and saying this flirty stuff. You don't necessarily know how you feel about them, but you're flattered nonetheless. ( By the way, this has been going on for a couple of months, even while the boy had a girlfriend ).
So you're good friends with this person, and they're texting you, so then you get asked "What are you doing on Tuesday?" ( Tuesday is Valentine's Day ). So I reply "I'm not sure yet, why? What's up?" and he says after a little conversation, "Well I was wondering if you wanted to go out that night, maybe for something to eat?" So I'm again, flattered and taken aback, but happy nonetheless. So you tell him "Maybe, I'll see." And the next day, where new friends comes into the play; but I'll discuss that later. So you're talking to your new friend who you both commented on the same guy's picture. As you're talking, she's telling you about how much he texts her and the stuff he says to her ( which is similar to what he says to you ). You're stunned, and then they tell you that he wants to hang out with her but she's not too fond of him, and then she reports the most surprising news of all: "He asked me to hang out on Valentine's Day, but I told him no."
Like are you serious? It's not like I was like hoping he was going to ask me out, but at the same point I don't want to be the "second choice", you know? LIke nobody wants to be the second option and then you feel like crap when that happens. All the appeal and the "cuteness" from the way he asked went down the drain. It's ridiculous. So you're day is now down the drain as the one person who can boost your self esteem, in a way, let you down. Ugh. And then he texts you, "Hey, how's it going?" You're a bit upset and hurt so you answer with a "Hi..." and he can tell something is wrong, so he asks and asks again, but you try to convince him that "I'm fine. Really." But I'm not... Do I call him out on it? "Hey butthead, I'm your second choice? Cool. Maybe next year." That'd just be weird. So your'e confused and don't know what to do. Which sucks. Stupid people.
And now, new friends. As in the person I previously spoke of ( aka: the bearer of bad news ). Have you ever had that feeling where you have the weirdest feelings and thoughts towards a person, but then they become your friends? Well I've had this happen recently. I became friends with someone I never would have expected and it turns out we have a lot in common; we've dealt with similar situations and so we can understand each other a little better. It's nice, because even though your friends try to be supportive a lot of times they can't completely understand. So it's nice. And we've become very close in the past month or two and we enjoy gossiping and such.
However, because she's dealing with a situation that you previously dealt with, how are the feelings shared? Is she jealous because you had what she wanted? Are you jealous because she now has what you lost? Who's jealous of who? Where did the little green monster go? You don't want to be jealous because you want her to be happy but at the same time, you can't help but feel anything else. And you find out she is jealous of you, because you-- at one time -- had exactly what she wants, and what she wanted. So you both cross your fingers and hope for the rest, but right now it's all up in the air.
So having your newfound friend let you in on a secret about an old friend ( aka Stupid People ) is hard to deal with, yet it's better you find out now rather than later. And I'm speaking in the second person, using "you" where of course I mean me, because I'm speaking about my feelings. Haha, okay.
Okay, that's it.
Laterrr.
"I'd get back up and try to make things right if you'd just stay here tonight."
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Sometimes life ain't all that it's cracked up to be.
"Let the music take us away, take our minds to a better place."
3 ; Best Friends , eh.
Best friends... we all have them. Love em. Hate em. Live with em. Live without em. You know all the cliches. Second half. Sister. Etc. They're the people you can share ANYTHING with. Well, depending on how good of best friends you are... My best friend and I share everything, our "experience", the drama, the bs, etc. We've been best friends since elementary school and know almost everything about the other person. And like I've said before, they can be different sex relationships; as in a boy friend & a girl friend. They can share stuff too.
It's a relationship that most people can't understand. Where they make up nick names for certain people, and use keywords to remember stories that are too important to tell over text -- and you know our generation, god forbid we use a phone to actually call -- . You go everywhere with them, because you enjoy spending time with them. You hang out with their families because they consider you "one of their own". Their siblings are sick of you because you're like the extra sister they never wanted.
You share some friends, and you share experiences from boys and relationships you've both had. Sometimes you relate, and others you can only imagine. You're there through the break ups, and the heartaches. You sympathize with them as they realize they've simply been used. You convince them that college boys will be much better than high school boys, although you aren't quite sure about that yourself. You know, typical best friends.
But what happens when your best friend seems to go out of the ordinary. You feel like you've created a monster. Not literally, just a lot different than before. What happens when all the guy friends you had become her friends. No big deal right? But when the friends stop acknowledging you and only notice her. They always give her a wink, or say hello as if I weren't even standing there. Like, "Hello, I was your friend first. And I'm standing right next to her." But it's as if you don't even exist. Your guy friends text you in order to get to her. Or to try to get information about her. First of all, if you were my friend you wouldn't only text me to talk about her. And second of all, she is my best friend. I'm not going to tell you ANYTHING, if she wanted to tell you, she would. And also, because she's my best friend, I'm going to tell her everything you just told me. If you don't want that, don't talk to me. Easy as that.
So then you feel invisible. And you know darn well that you aren't, but it simply feels that way when even your own friends cease to acknowledge you when she's around. You ever feel invisible around your friends? You want to be happy for her, but at the same time.. I don't know.
Again, just food for thought; ranting about things that my friends and brother, don't want to hear about anymore.
Okay, that's it.
Laterrr.
"Cause everybody needs to break free from reality."
3 ; Best Friends , eh.
Best friends... we all have them. Love em. Hate em. Live with em. Live without em. You know all the cliches. Second half. Sister. Etc. They're the people you can share ANYTHING with. Well, depending on how good of best friends you are... My best friend and I share everything, our "experience", the drama, the bs, etc. We've been best friends since elementary school and know almost everything about the other person. And like I've said before, they can be different sex relationships; as in a boy friend & a girl friend. They can share stuff too.
It's a relationship that most people can't understand. Where they make up nick names for certain people, and use keywords to remember stories that are too important to tell over text -- and you know our generation, god forbid we use a phone to actually call -- . You go everywhere with them, because you enjoy spending time with them. You hang out with their families because they consider you "one of their own". Their siblings are sick of you because you're like the extra sister they never wanted.
You share some friends, and you share experiences from boys and relationships you've both had. Sometimes you relate, and others you can only imagine. You're there through the break ups, and the heartaches. You sympathize with them as they realize they've simply been used. You convince them that college boys will be much better than high school boys, although you aren't quite sure about that yourself. You know, typical best friends.
But what happens when your best friend seems to go out of the ordinary. You feel like you've created a monster. Not literally, just a lot different than before. What happens when all the guy friends you had become her friends. No big deal right? But when the friends stop acknowledging you and only notice her. They always give her a wink, or say hello as if I weren't even standing there. Like, "Hello, I was your friend first. And I'm standing right next to her." But it's as if you don't even exist. Your guy friends text you in order to get to her. Or to try to get information about her. First of all, if you were my friend you wouldn't only text me to talk about her. And second of all, she is my best friend. I'm not going to tell you ANYTHING, if she wanted to tell you, she would. And also, because she's my best friend, I'm going to tell her everything you just told me. If you don't want that, don't talk to me. Easy as that.
So then you feel invisible. And you know darn well that you aren't, but it simply feels that way when even your own friends cease to acknowledge you when she's around. You ever feel invisible around your friends? You want to be happy for her, but at the same time.. I don't know.
Again, just food for thought; ranting about things that my friends and brother, don't want to hear about anymore.
Okay, that's it.
Laterrr.
"Cause everybody needs to break free from reality."
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